| I keep having dreams of my childhood.. or rather.. the things that used to bother me in childhood... like being left out of some great thing going on during that day.
I had a dream last night where my parents were taking everything away and me being told i'm "grounded".. haha.. Grounded?! when was the last time I was grounded? But sure enough in my dream I was grounded...
Also.. to make the dream worse they kept messing with my car... letting my sisters, cousins, and whoever else drive it so that they could learn to drive stick. not only that... They all decided that they were gonna eat out and I wasn't even a part of those plans cuz i was grounded... :(.
I have no idea what this crap means, but it really bothered me when i woke up. I hate being left out, I hate being told what to do, and I... I guess i'm spoiled.
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| its finally come. i woke up this morning and i was ok.
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| And so ended an era of my existance
There are always those thoughts and ideas that come through a persons existance. A design or definition of what life should compose of. Sometimes we find ourselves running after the idealistic and almost impossible... I can only say that that is a phase of our lives. We cannot simply be defined by a cookie cutter function placed by society around us... There is a strive to find the individual within. Our thoughts of Love, Humanity, The Existance of God, and Our Purpose in life is ulitimately shaped by our own individual experiances. Unfortunately the journey towards this outcome is rough and many of us don't make it past the input of our own society who acts like a vice, a road block, or detour from our true potential.
I feel as if I've reached a point in my existance where I've realized what functions in my life are set in place by society and what function in my life are my very own individual preferance. This week I've realized that alot of my ideas and functions are set by a society that I never belonged to in the first place and that the ideas of others does not need to be translated to my own ideas. For instance, my experiance and understanding of Love is and will always be much different than anyone elses. Why should I compare it to the standards of the society I have been artificially inserted into. Next question, if my Love experiance isn't set to the standards of one society than what other standard could it be towards? That is easy... The one I was born to. Don't get me mistaken, even then, one should not set these standards on any society. Set the standard to what makes sense to you... Its as easy as that.
Thats how it will be. Don't question me. Take it. Love it. Live it.
Hearts. The End.
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| I just realized how afraid I am to show certain feelings.
Battle wounds and scars left behind make it so hard.
I have truly become afraid.
but with each encounter...
each time... that fear melts away.
to the warmth of her...
could it be?
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